Have you seen the movie Crazy, Stupid, Love? Ryan Gosling played Jacob Palmer, a cool and self-confident young player. While in the role he is a bit of a womanizer but he is a perfect example of a charming self-confident young man.
Being self-confident means exuding a personality that is sensitive, focused and engaging others around you. At the extreme ends of the scale is either being over confident or painfully shy. If self-confidence is persuasive, over confidence is pushy and low confidence is just insecure.
Here are some ten great tips to help you ensure that for the sake of your reputation, yes that’s right, you are not making a fool out of yourself and that you keep it centered.
A Genuine Smile
It does not cost you anything. Really. Even babies gravitate naturally and respond positively to a smile. Like my grandmother would say, “I owe you money, is it?” if she catches me in my natural brooding state. Brooding… well… leave it to the experts like the Cullens of the Twilight series.
A warm genuine smile is way more attractive for mere mortals like us. Well, too much teeth is not going to help you either for it will only come across as fake. So give them a nice, warm, genuine smile when they acknowledge you. Remember to smile with your eyes, not a smirk or a sneer like a chikopek (lecherous) uncle by the coffee shop.
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Maintaining Eye Contact
When speaking to someone, look into their eyes - not staring them down, not looking at their forehead – wah seh! that pimple is so distracting, or their chest – eh, is that a loose button?, or their shoes – wah! must be rich one, expensive shoes sia. Or have shifty eyes that look everywhere else but at them.
Looking into their eyes means you are projecting a natural confidence and you are interested in what they have to say. You are making them feel at ease. Of course you should pause and look away once in awhile during the conversation so that you don’t look creepy.
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A Firm Handshake
Maybe you envisioned yourself as a Bruce Lee reincarnate, so you confidently strike your first impression by grabbing someone’s gentle hands with what you think is a firm handshake when actually it is an ‘oh-my-God-this-loon-is-going-to-crack-my-knuckles-handshake’.
When you release their hands they will be looking at the door to get the hell out. Well, a limp handshake is not impressive either; it shows you are not interested in them and seem disrespectful. So a good measure please, firm but not a death grip, gentle but not a lifeless slip of the hand.
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Looking Good
While it is a plus point to always be trendy, it is not a mandatory rule that self confident people ‘must own’ a wardrobe with exclusive designer wear.
Looking good here means you keep proper hygiene, brush your hair, put on fresh clothes and smell clean. Do you know that scientifically it is proven that smelling great can make the person ‘look’ more attractive? And looking well put together gives you the extra boost of confidence when you walk out of the door. So keep healthy, shape up and look good.
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Good Manners
What did you mother tell you? You got to eat your vegetables and mind your manners right?
Good manners mean you have respect and you show respect. Letting people finish their sentences, not forgetting to say ‘thank you’ and ‘please’. Being considerate with your words and actions makes you more charming. But do be natural, if you appear courteous only to impress when in reality you are one grumpy aunty or uncle, eventually you will be discovered and that will make you more unlikable.
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Speak Clearly and Confidently
No mumbling please. No loud hailers too. Speak in a clear and confident voice.
If someone keeps asking you to repeat yourself, you are not showing confidence in your speech. Get your point across but don’t talk down to people with a tone that is condescending either. Also try to avoid annoying conversational tics like punctuating every one of your sentences like “ya lor”, “is it”, “so you know ah”, incessantly.
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A Good Listener
The art of being a good listener is simple; it all boils down to being attentive. Showing that you care. Not interrupting. Injecting your opinions or comments only at the appropriate pauses. No texting while someone is speaking. No yawning while someone is making a point. If it has come to the point of aiyo-this-is-so-boring-one and you know you are about to stab your eyes with a toothpick, excuse yourself and take a breather.
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Do not, I Tell You, Do Not, Brag
Stop. Enough already. What a put off! Once you start, you can’t stop. Soon you will be telling your annoyed audience what your mother owns, what your father has, what your sister bought, what your brother did and what your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend gave you and the list continues. Soon you will be talking about yourself to yourself as your polite audience fades away…
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Paying Compliments
Ok. So here it is, if a person looks like they have just woken up, disheveled and unwashed, you are not seriously thinking of paying them a compliment, are you? That would make you look like a liar. You pay compliments deservedly when you see that they have had a new flattering haircut, they have smartly picked the winning numbers for Toto or 4D or they have said something truly funny.
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A Positive Attitude
It is such as an attractive self-confident trait. People tend to be inclined towards positive individuals as they are more fun to be around with and can lift your spirits.
They are also easy to talk to, warm in nature and have a calm demeanor that makes you feel comfortable around them.
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Self-confidence is simply being the best of yourself and your abilities. You are comfortable being your own person but with the awareness of accepting others as they are. You are proud of yourself but humble with others around you. When you are self-confident, you are brave to face new challenges with a can-do mind-set and you are encouraging to others to be the best of themselves. You make mistakes, but you are willing to admit it and laugh at yourself.
Being confident means "You got guts man!” It does wonders to your self-esteem. So be yourself but be your best - keep it centered!
